If Osama bin Laden forced his grandmother to make a hostage tape, she would have had a look on her face not unlike that of poor Harriet Miers, chosen by President Bush to be a Supreme piñata.

I confess that I was unaware of Ms. Miers before she hit the media windshield. I doubt if her character would be given dialogue on "The West Wing." One of the regulars, Toby or CJ, would say, "Good morning, Ms. Miers" and she would nod, smile, wander off-screen, and not return. There would never be a story line built around her.  And, they would never, never, write a script in which her character was appointed to the United States Supreme Court.

They might now.

But, back to Harriet Miers. The woman is Texas. Texas women have a unique look, one that is not always appreciated by citizens of other countries – the United States, for example – and never appreciated by the dark suit types of the East Coast. There’s a photograph of Harriet Miers that I think originally appeared on the Southern Methodist University website in black and white. She’s smiling pleasantly, and is wearing an open collar blouse with a coat and an American flag pin, a pearl necklace, and a hair helmet that would make Aerosmith jealous. It’s a seriously Texas big-haired gal kind of style, a bit overdone, excessive, and held together with enough spray to choke an armadillo. Interestingly, when you Google Harriet and do an image search, the same big hair photo shows up as a thumbnail, in color this time, with a link to the whitehouse.gov website. Amazingly, when you click on the thumbnail at the top of the page, you get the new, improved, Mary Lou Retton version instead of the original Texas version.

The earlier Harriet was kinda spooky. The new improved Harriet is kinda spunky, perky even. The problem is, "Texas" and "perky" don’t mix. The Texas word for "perky" is "twister."

There’s a story that’s made the local rounds for years, concerning Mary Garcia, former Superintendent of the Sunnyside School District and half of the royal couple consisting of Mary and George Garcia, former Superintendent of the Tucson Unified School District. Mary, for those who never met her, was a slender, blonde, big-haired Texan with nails out to there and a flair for flamboyant pink outfits. Very Texan. One day, First Lady Hillary Clinton came to town and visited Sunnyside High School. Mary, unfortunately, was running late, and arrived at the school after the Secret Service had already set up their perimeter. When I mentioned "dark suit types" I was thinking of the Secret Service.

Mary tried to get in. The Secret Service stopped her. She insisted, explaining that she was the Superintendent of the School District and absolutely had to get inside to introduce Hillary Clinton. The Secret Service suits looked at her, at the big, blonde hair, the nails out to there, the flashy outfit, and radioed to local police that they were dealing with "some hooker who says she’s the Superintendent of the Sunnyside School District" and who was trying to get to Hillary Clinton.

I have two good, confidential, sources for this story.

But I digress. The dark suits and righteous right will characterize formerly big-haired Harriet as Caligula’s horse, an affront to decency, rationality, and an imperious gesture by a detached leader. She doesn’t have a chance, this probably decent lady who was tough enough for Texas and kicked her way into the territory the Good Ol’ Boys had kept for themselves and who so impressed a President that he nominated her for the United States Supreme Court. She’s just too easy to take out, the President won’t be able to protect her from the eastern media and the conservative right and the Democrats won’t rise up to save her, because, after all, that’s not the role of the opposition.

I think Harriet knows what’s coming. She’s seen the mountaintop. The problem with seeing the mountaintop is that it’s all downhill from there. President Bush has made a very nice gesture, she will say the right things until her big-haired inner self wants to explode, and she will voluntarily withdraw before Halloween. And the Democrats will realize, too late, how much of an opportunity they missed.

Despite all my liberal colorations, my progressive inclinations, my radical suggestions, I’m quietly pulling for the little lady from Texas to secure a seat on the Supreme Court of the United States.  If anyplace could use a bit of big-haired Texas sass, that place sure as hell could!

© October 6, 2005 by Mike Tully