(Author’s note: This is my first musical column. It is intended to be
sung aloud, Gilbert and Sullivan style, ideally after a few shots of
tequila. Hint: You can sing George's part to the tune of "If I
Only Had A Brain" from the Wizard of Oz.)
The setting: The Oval Office in the White House. Present are George, Dick,
and Karl. George sings the verses and Dick and Karl join him for the chorus.
A vulture lurks on a tree branch just outside the window.
Let’s Throw Rummy From the Train
George sings:
Well, the battle plan ain’t working and the Democrats are lurking
They expect to be in power once again
If the fingers start a-pointing I’ll be busily anointing
My friend Rummy as the guy who gets the blame.
Chorus:
Oh, let’s throw Rummy from the train, from the train,
Yes, let’s throw Rummy from the train
We’ll let old Rummy take the blame, all the blame,
Yes, let’s throw Rummy from the train!
How the military hated little Rummy unabated
Oh, they thought he was so stubborn and so vain
He will make a useful villain, that’s the reason we are willing
To invite old Rummy now to leave the train.
Oh, let’s throw Rummy from the train, from the train,
Yes, let’s throw Rummy from the train
We’ll make old Rummy take the blame just the same,
And we’ll throw old Rummy from the train!
The electorate was voting and The Bastards! they have spoken,
And Republicans are standing in the rain
What we need now is a fall guy and I emphasize it’s not I,
So let’s toss our old friend Rummy from the train.
Oh, let’s throw Rummy from the train, from the train,
Yes, let’s throw Rummy from the train
That “shock and awe” burlesque of his was getting kind of lame,
So, let’s throw Rummy from the train!
Stay here with me, Dick and Karl, for it might yet be a while
‘Til we safely can go outside once again
In the meantime our friend, Tony, feeds the press some raw baloney
Then he throws them our friend Rummy from the train.
Oh, let’s throw Rummy from the train, from the train,
Yes, let’s throw Rummy from the train
Iraq is now in chaos even worse than with Hussein,
We must throw Rummy from the train!
We will tell them we were talking ‘bout old Rummy going walking
Just a week or two before Election Day
And the media will buy it, isn’t that a freaking riot?
As old Rummy is ejected from the train.
Oh, let’s throw Rummy from the train, from the train,
Yes, let’s throw Rummy from the train
We’ll sacrifice old Rummy if the polling numbers wane,
And we’ll throw old Rummy from the train!
When the waning hours after the election day disaster,
Find the Democrats in power once again
I know in my first reaction I will cause a big distraction
When I catapult old Rummy from the train.
Oh, let’s throw Rummy from the train, from the train,
Yes, let’s throw Rummy from the train
He led us off to battle while he left behind his brain,
Yes, let’s throw Rummy from the train!
In the meantime I get cozy with that liberal witch Pelosi
Who has called for Rummy’s ouster, though in vain,
So I tell her all the right things and a telegram at night brings
Her the news that I tossed Rummy from the train.
Oh, let’s throw Rummy from the train, from the train,
Yes, let’s throw Rummy from the train
It might not all be his fault but we’ll dump him just the same,
Yes, let’s throw Rummy from the train!
Oh, he served his country badly and that’s why it is so gladly
That I stand here and let Rummy take the blame
Karl, Dick, and I confided and by vote we all decided
That we’d better toss old Rummy from the train.
Oh, let’s throw Rummy from the train, from the train,
Yes, let’s throw Rummy from the train
We’ll let old Rummy take the blame, all the blame,
Yes, let’s throw Rummy from the train!
Repeat chorus.
Now, don’t you feel better? I hope you sang it aloud with friends and loved
ones, because music brings us together and heals old wounds. This is my way
of being a Uniter, not a Divider.
